1 Year

Dear Kayla Marie,

One year ago today, you finally decided you were ready to enter the world.  I have never felt both love and fear like I did that day.  First, fear that you were going to be ok, then fear that I was going to be ok, and finally fear about what kind of mother I would be or that something would happen to hurt you.  The love, is what prevails over the fear.

For the first month, we spent a lot of time together learning about breastfeeding and cuddling during nap times and nighttime.  Mommy was pretty much a wreck during this month, but you were such a great sleeper when you were little and Daddy got to stay home with us for a couple weeks.  I miss this little baby.

In your second month, you learned how to smile.  What an amazing milestone, one of my favorites for sure.  This was the month I figured out that you loved being over my shoulder to relax and fall asleep.  And you loved sleeping on me, which is another thing I really miss.

Month three included your first Easter and your first road trip to the Midwest to meet Mommy's family. You also attended your first wedding and were the belle of the ball.  I have to say this wasn't one of my favorite months because your sleeping took a really terrible turn for the worse.  Looking back, I wish I would have just taken a breath and enjoyed the extra time I got to spend with you a little more.

Your fourth month brought on some sleep training and some very small tastes of your first baby cereal. The best part about month four was the giggling.  There has never been a more pleasant and heart warming sound in the world to me.  I love seeing how your laugh has changed.  Later when you are a teenager and don't think I'm nearly as funny as you do now, I will remember these days when I could make you break into laughter by just fake sneezing (and many other ways.)

Month five we were dealing with thrush.  Through all our breastfeeding woes, I'm so thankful I was able to at least partially breastfeed up until this week.  I never thought I would care too much about how long it lasted, but I have very much enjoyed our special time together.  We had our first accident this month before your first plane flight.  You will never remember that day, and I will never forget it.  Watching you summersault off the bed was one of the scariest moments of my life.  You sure turned out ok though.

Your half birthday.  This was a huge physical milestone leaping month.  You learned to crawl, sit and pull yourself to standing all in the span of a few weeks.  You also got your first teeth.  You became so much happier when you could get to what you wanted.  I will always be glad you were an early milestone achiever, just because I know you. :)

The seventh month, you really began to eat a lot better and you learned to drink from a sippy cup.  And you are so mobile!  I am so blessed to have been able to stay home with you for these full seven months, I now realize I took some things for granted.

In your eighth month, we moved!  Mommy got a new job and we were able to move ourselves out to Illinois with Gigi.  This is the month you finally started sleeping better.  You have taught me so many things in the last year, but with all the sleep problems, one of the biggest things is patience.  I've learned that sometimes, no matter what I do, I cannot control everything, and I have to do my best to enjoy the good times and relax, and breathe through the bad ones, because they won't be there forever.

You ninth month was full of excitement.  Mommy started her job, so you got to stay home with Daddy now (and Uncle Brendan and Gigi.)  We also took our first vacation with Mommy's family to Hawaii.  You spent your first Halloween at a luau!  Oh, another small point, you also learned to walk!  This is a very exciting milestone for Mommy, even though it makes it a little harder to take care of you.  I loved seeing those first tentative steps, now you are such a confident little toddler.

Month ten brought on your first holiday season and your baptism.  You also learned how to wave this month.  You are such a friendly baby, and such a huge ham, you wave at everyone you see.  It doesn't matter where we are or if you know anyone, you just wave.  It's impossible for me not to smile to see you so happy around people.

Eleven months included your first Christmas.  You didn't really understand opening presents but you sure loved all the toys.  You are such a lucky little girl to have such a great big family who adores you.  I would do anything in the world to see you happy.

In your twelfth month, Daddy went back to work and we moved back into a home as a family of three.

Twelve months later, we are finally back to where we began...just the three of us.  It has been a significantly difficult year for Mommy, but it was never your fault.  You have brought Mommy and Daddy so much joy and laughter I wouldn't trade a moment of the past year.  You got to spend so much time with your family, which is so important.  You grew and thrived despite all the obstacles.  You are such an amazing little girl.  There is a very small part of me that can't help but wish I could go back and redo some of the most difficult times that I had, but then we wouldn't be where we are today.  I cannot imagine loving anyone as much as I love you.  I hope you had a great birthday, because no one deserves it more.

"It's your day of all days!  It's the best of the best!  

So don't waste a minute!

Hop to it!

Get dressed!

'Today,' laughs the Bird, 'eat whatever you want.

Today no one tells you you cawnt or you shawnt.

And, today, you don't have to be tidy or neat.

If you wish, you may eat with both hands and both feet.

So get in there and munch. Have a big munch-er-oo!

Today is your birthday!  Today you are you!'

If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.

If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?

If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?

You might be a fish!  Or a toad in a tree!

You might be a doorknob!  Or three baked potatoes!

You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.

Or worse than all that...Why, you might be a wasn't!

A wasn't has no fun at all.  No, he doesn't.

A wasn't just isn't.  He just isn't present.

But you...you ARE YOU!  And, now isn't that pleasant!

Come on!  Open your mouth and sound off at the sky!

Should loud at the top of your voice, 'I AM I!

ME!

I am I!

And I may not know why

But I know that I like.

Three cheers!  I AM I!'"

-Dr. Suess

Today, Kayla Marie, you are you, and I love that you more than anything.