Crabby...

Holy cow am I crabby.  I really can't help it, I just feel bad about myself.  So first I'm going to vent, and then I'm going to make a list of the things that make me feel happy.

Vent:

My back is absolutely killing me.  As many of you may know, I hurt my back my freshman year of college lifting heavy weights and ever since then (about 8 years ago) I've been battling a condition that really sucks with therapy, doctors, chiropractors, shots, etc.  I knew it was going to be bad when I got pregnant but it feels like it did the day I did it, and it hasn't felt this bad since then.  Sarah, God bless her, tries really hard in every yoga class to help me out but it seems I'm just going to have to deal with it.

I feel so unattractive it's not even funny.  Whoever says I have a "pregnancy glow" is lying.  I feel like crap, and I feel like I look like crap, all the time, no matter what.  The only thing I can try to do to solve this is go shopping (which is something I really shouldn't be doing but it makes me feel better...usually.)  But now, it doesn't help, because I can't find anything I like and I end up buying jewelry or socks because it's the only thing that fits.

The smallest things are significantly irritating me, and therefore, I have begun to dread going to work because there are just a couple of patients that I just can't deal with for an hour at a time.  For the large majority, my patients are wonderful and usually make me feel better, but those couple can really ruin your day.

I'm constantly hungry, but never really feel like eating anything in particular.  Come on pregnancy cravings, where are you?

Did I mention my back is killing me and making me want to cry?????

Things that make me happy:

Prenatal yoga: specifically the prenatal yoga music mix we listen to that is full of songs about empowerment.  My favorite is Wade Morissette (brother of Alanis) "Strong as Diamonds"

Walking around

My husband cleaning the apartment while I shop (even if then I come home to a whole load of crap to dispose of or put away)

Ice cream

Fall weather (this really should be higher up on the list)

My sisters and mom (and really my whole family - seeing my dad this weekend, even if only for lunch, was wonderful)

Friends and strangers telling me I look great even if I don't feel like it

My baby kicking me

Crafting

Movies

Naps

It seems that there are certainly a lot more positives than negatives, I just needed my blog as an outlet to vent and remind myself of all the wonderful things in my life.  I'm posting lyrics to my favorite prenatal yoga song and I'm walking to Baskin Robins to get myself ice cream later, even if my husband sits on his butt watching football and I have to go alone.

Strong as Diamonds
(© 2006 w.morissette)

Om Vajra Kaya Namaha

To be as strong as diamonds

To be as strong as the wind

Take my hand and jump

Take my hand and leap

Take my hand and fly high

Take my hand and go now

Time is on my side

My own heart I abide

Sanskrit translation: To be as strong as diamonds

"Sometimes we must access our pure strength to overcome and triumph."