Breakdown

I had a meltdown last night.  I'm starting to get seriously stressed about financial issues and overwhelmed with the thoughts of trying to make plans for another human being.  Justin seems so calm about everything, but I guess those are our roles:  me - the worrier, Justin - go with the flow.

The good news is I'm getting seriously excited to be a mom.  I'm scared, but mostly excited.  And, as of today, we had to put our ballroom dancing program on hold.  It hasn't been the same for us since we found out we were expanding our family and it's so expensive, we need to be saving that money for the future.  They were very understanding at Arthur Murray but Justin and I are just kinda sad about it and feel bad and like we are letting them down.

I guess step number one to becoming a parent has been checked off the list: Learn to make sacrifices for your children.  Thanks Mom and Dad for all the sacrifices I'm sure you made for us.  It's always meant a lot to me, but I guess it's beginning to hit home a little more now.  I love you.  (P.S. Dave and Jill, I'm guessing Justin feels the same way but I can't speak for him! ;)

I am feeling a lot better this week than last week, still a little sad and crabby but nothing like last week.  I'm not sure if I shared this story, but let me tell you a little about how my worst week of pregnancy ended last week:

We went up to Laurel to dog sit for Samson.  When we got there on Friday he was very excited to see us and seemed like he was almost yelling at us when we got there: "Where have you been?  Why did you leave me?  You better not go anywhere!  Where is my mom? Can we go for a walk?  I really have to pee?"  Well, I got ready to take him for his evening walk and Justin was going to take the car to get some food.  I think I did a pretty good job last week of trying hard to not act irritable around Justin, because he really didn't deserve it at all, but it all went down the tubes that fateful Friday night.

As we were leaving the house, I had Samson on his leash in my left hand, my left knee holding open the screen door and locking the door with my right hand.  Samson must have been trying to keep up with Justin who was heading to the car because he tugged me just the littlest bit, and I twisted just a smidge to the left.  Needless to say, this lead to my knee slipping from the door and the HEAVY door (which seems to be on super duper strong springy springs) slammed me directly in the forehead.

It hurt...bad!  I yelled ouch a few times and started to tear up.  I was trying to just compose myself and Justin goes, "What? What? What? What? What? What?"  Literally.  I'm not kidding.  Six times in like a ten second span.  I didn't even have time to answer if I wanted to.  I lost it and screamed at him that the effing door hit me in the face and can you just give me a minute to get myself together and stop asking me what?  (It was a lot stronger and harsher than that.)  I know he was just concerned but the 6 whats just pushed me over the edge.  I told him I was still standing and wasn't dying so if he could just give me a minute that would be great!  I'm glad that week is over.  Sorry, baby, I shouldn't have blown up at you.

I hope everyone's weeks are going well!! I'm trying to get Dad to write another blog...he wants to post a picture of his new beard so maybe look for that.  P.S. I don't really like kissing a bearded man.