I know what you're thinking...

ugh, another venting post!

I know, I know, but like I said, I've been pretty crabby lately and I need to vent.  And if I can't do it on my personal blog, where can I do it?  And if you don't like it, that's ok, I respect your opinion and you can go right ahead and stop reading.

When I was pregnant, I remember telling Justin how glad I was that we finally had a reason to make our friends and family come to visit us, instead of us always doing the footwork.  Boy, it seems that I was wrong.  I feel like all I've been doing for the past 7 months is packing or unpacking from a trip with our baby.  How is this fair?

When I first started really thinking about it this week, it made me pretty angry.  Now that I've had more time to digest, it really just makes me sad.  Before, we (Justin and I) weren't important enough for people to come see us, but now Kayla isn't even important enough.  Thinking about it makes me want to cry.  I want to show Kayla off to everyone because I just think she's the bees knees, but I'm kinda tired of doing all the work.  And it's taking its toll on us.  I blame this partially for our sleeping difficulties.  How can Kayla get into a routine of any sort when I'm constantly shoving her into a new environment and asking her to sleep at least as well as she does at home.  It's not fair to her at all.

I can't wait to get settled on our own, when I will finally be able to start really enforcing my rules for myself and our little family:

1. If you want to see your daughter/son/granddaughter/niece/brother/sister/friend you can get your ass in a car and come see us.  I'm done traveling so much with her. (This may seem harsh but if I've learned one thing as a mom, it's that I don't care what anyone else thinks when it comes to the health/happiness of my daughter.)
2. Mommy is joining and gym and possibly getting a personal trainer and going to said gym at least 3 times a week.  (Clearly, said gym might need to have a little child care area.)
3. Mommy is finding and joining a moms group so she has some interaction with people besides a 7 month old.
4. Kayla will be in her very own room that is quiet and dark and peaceful so she can finally feel comfortable sleeping.
5. Mommy will learn to cook and make dinner at least once a week (to start.)
6. Once a weekend, we will have "family time."  (Nothing big necessarily, just a set time to just BE together.)
7. Mommy is going to make a much better effort to talk with her family and friends more regularly.

For now, that's all I can think of.  I realize some of my recent posts may upset people, and I'm sorry, but I'm really not trying to discretely point anyone out, I'm just speaking about our lives in general.  Part of it may be that pesky post-partum depression popping up again, but I'm ready to get our life back to semi-normal and figure out a way to make myself happy as a wife AND mommy now.

Not in the mood

I am not in the mood to blog.  I'm not in the mood to talk.  I'm not in the mood to take pictures or video.  I'm really not in the mood to do anything but sleep, or somehow figure out a way to get my 7+ month old to sleep better at night so that her dad and I can get better sleep.  Frankly, I know I'm not fun to be around right now.

Our lives being held in limbo for 5 months, my lack of interaction with anyone besides a 7 month old, my lack of any significant sleep due to a restless baby and being unable to fall asleep after being woken up, they all add up to one thing...

One extremely crabby Mommy.

A recent friend I made, kinda through my blog and kinda through my husband, has had it the worst I've ever heard with sleeping, even worse than me.  Her son is almost 13 months old and just recently started not waking up every 2-3 hours.  She has so kindly passed along her Mombie crown to me...Gee thanks! ;)

And for those trying to figure that out, I did too.  It took me a few minutes but let me help you out:

Zombie + Mom = Mombie

Sorry for the downer post but I'm tired of putting on a front.  Until I'm less crabby...

Great Grandpa Markowski

My paternal grandfather (one of Kayla's FOUR great grandfathers) turned 90 yesterday!!

When we took Kayla to meet my family in April, he got a little light headed and dizzy at church.  He ended up in the hospital while we were visiting (luckily he got to meet Kayla before all this happened.)  He wound up having to have a pacemaker put in, but he is doing so great!  He still loves to garden, and work in the basement, and help my grandma cook.  He's always been a quiet guy, but he is the most kind and hospitable person.  Ever since I was little, every time you walk into their house he always asks what you want to drink.  I'll always remember him going up and down the stairs to the basement to make us Shirley Temples (a Markowski child drink of choice.)  He used to make little wooden Christmas ornaments around the holidays.  And he always has the nicest flowers.

I am so blessed to have been able to grow up and really get to know all four of my grandparents and I can only hope Kayla will be as blessed!!

Happy 90th Birthday Papa!!  We love you!!
<3 Melissa, Justin & Kayla

Friday Favorites

• The way Kayla crawls as fast as she can for something soft and fluffy (i.e. pillow pet, dog bed, furry blanket) and dives head first into said soft thing and comes back up smiling.
• How Kayla bends over to look under the cabinets/couch to find out where that ball she was just playing with rolled to.
• The way Kayla has SO much to say!  She is really loving learning all the different tones and decibels her voice can hit.  She like in a constant state of talking.
• Movies...almost any kind (especially old musicals I love that are on t.v...like "The Unsinkable Molly Brown.)
• Rainy days when Kayla takes long naps.

Happy Friday...enjoy the rainy weekend (if you are on the East Coast.)

Mother Nature

Mother nature seems to have blessed us with her awesome presence this week.

This week, Kayla has survived a 5.8(ish) earthquake, during which mommy ran around like a chicken with her head cut off.  I was scared.  I had literally NO idea what was going on.  I thought the house might collapse, but I wasn't sure what to do.  I wanted to run up and grab Kayla from her crib, but she was peacefully sleeping.  So I stood outside her door for a few minutes until it was over.  She slept through it.  Since then, we've had I think 5 after shocks, and last night at 1:08 am one that was a 4.2 (I think.)  Kayla had been sleeping like an angel up until this point (with a small waking at around 11 when she put herself back to sleep) and after that, she was up like 3 or 4 more times.  Rough night.

And this week, we are supposed to get hit by hurricane Irene.  I have a sort of sick obsession with the names of the hurricanes and the projected paths etc.  This started when I moved to Virginia for college and it actually mattered to me. :)  I remember my first big hurricane in college.  My parents were in town to visit and we were supposed to go to the football game on a Thursday night.  They were playing Texas A&M.  My football player friend was letting me use his seats...mid field maybe 6 or 7 rows up.  Well it was pouring due to hurricane Isabel, and I had a big weekend of volleyball games, but I wanted to go with my parents at least for a little bit.  Well, my dad doesn't leave football games early, even during hurricanes.  I was freezing and hardly remember the game, but I'll never forget that night with my parents!  (Hokie football rocks.)

I wanted Kayla to remember the name of her first hurricane (and Lord knows I'll forget) so I wanted to write the post to mark this milestone.

So this week, Kayla will (most likely) have experience her first earthquake and hurricane.  Crazy mother nature.

This post is dedicated to Aunt Megan, who said yesterday if she has to listen to one more person mention they can't believe we are going to have an earthquake and a hurricane all in the same week...(insert idle threat here.)


Where's Kayla?

Double edged sword

If this isn't a double-edged sword, I don't know what is...

I don't think it's any secret my baby isn't the greatest sleeper at night.  I've come to terms with this, but what really rubs me the wrong way is that every time she wakes up at night, it takes me about 1-1.5 hours to fall asleep afterwards.  So I really can't blame Kayla entirely for my sleepiness, but what the heck is to blame?  Maybe stress or thinking about a lot of things.

I guess on the positive side it gives me a lot of alone time to read!  I really have missed reading.  Watch out kindle and Nook color, here I come!


I'd say I find her like this 80% of the time when I go get her from a nap or in the morning.

Side note about my attempt to become a photographer:  I think my biggest milestone at this point in my learning is trying to get my camera to focus on what I want it to and not have a ton of blur from camera shake...any tips?  And please don't tell me to use manual focus...I'm just not there yet. 

7 Months

(and a day technically.)

Dear Kayla,

Today (yesterday) you turned 7 months old.  I can't believe how fast the time is flying and how grown up you already feel to me.  You have gone from being a little tiny, gassy baby who didn't move much besides her legs and head to a still comparatively small little human being who loves to crawl and climb on everything and sits like I would imagine any adult would sit.  I can't say that I have loved every single second of the past 7 months, but the seconds I have loved far outweigh the ones I didn't....far outweigh.  Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and redo some of those moments and change how I reacted to them, but I will always focus my memories on all the wonderful times we've had, because I don't get to be a new mom again.  I now miss those times when you were tiny and more cuddly, but I absolutely love watching you grow and learn everyday.

Here are some things you love or have learned this month:

You love to eat any and all kinds of fruits, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, corn, pumpkin, but you sure do hate green vegetables.  We tried to give you some finger foods like pears, broccoli, and avocado but you just really aren't sure yet.  You really love the little melt in your mouth snacks we bought for you though, and those mum mums for your poor teething gums.  You have learned to drink out of a sippy cup on your own!  But you have a brand preference for sure.

You still aren't sleeping too great.  We are officially down to 2 pretty good naps at pretty much the same times during the day, but you still like to have some mommy and me time at night.  I'm starting to come around to this since soon I'll have to go back to work and I'm really going to miss getting to see you all the time.

You hate to sit still.  Like, hate it.  Attempting to take these monthly photos is becoming significantly harder.



But I can almost always get you to smile, which really brightens my day.



You also have a new found love of shaking things.  I love to watch you from the bottom of the stairs sitting contentedly and shaking on of your little balls or tumblers and just smiling at me because you are so proud of yourself.



You love your toy box, sometimes it seems even more than the toys that are in it.  And literally everything goes to your mouth.  Part of me wishes those little teeth will come through for all of our sakes.



You love to use your toy box to help you stand up and then you proceed to pull of your toys out and throw them on the floor.  I want to be upset at the mess you are making but you are just too cute to be mad at.  So I put them back in and you pull them back out, it's like our own little game.





Speaking of standing, sometimes you let go all together and can stand on your own for 3-4 seconds before you slowly lower yourself down when you get a little scared because you don't know what you are doing.  I'm encouraging this new growth.  Although it's a struggle between being so proud of all your new milestones and really wanting the time to stop so I can enjoy you for a second.





You love to crawl as fast as you can towards your pillow pet, or the big furry blanket or into the dog bed and dive into it rubbing your face all over it to feel the texture.  Really, you just love to crawl, especially toward the stairs now-a-days.



You transition so easily from crawling to sitting to standing to sitting to crawling to lying.  It's so amazing to me how far you have come in just a month!  Sometimes I think you might be a model because you have this new pose you like where you sit on one hip and prop yourself up on your elbow, with your legs crossed of course.  You can practically pirouette on your butt.  You are amazing. :)



When daddy and Aunt Megan get home from work, you always give them a big smile and begin flapping your arms like a bird and yelling in excitement.

And you (and I) sure love our new favorite cloth diapers, and this one is in Mommy's favorite color!



You love mirrors.  It's like you are wondering who that cute baby is and then you want to touch her, so you reach out for your own hand.

Sometimes, I can just tell your mind is reeling trying to think of what you want to do and how you are going to do it.



You had a little fight with bath time for a few days there, but now you realized it's just as fun as the pool because you can wave your hands and slap the water to make it splash all over you and anyone in your vicinity.

You love to talk to me with your one syllable words like bah and pah and I think your first word may have been "up" (which was apparently a favorite words of your mommy's when she was little.)  And you love to blow raspberries and make all sorts of noises with your little lips.  You have so many funny and adorable faces.



You also started to discover that objects have permanence and it's no longer out of sight out of mind.  I can tell because if something rolls under the couch or cabinet, you bend your little body in half and tilt your head to the side to look underneath.  The little head cocked to the side trying to see behind my back where I hid that toy I was just rattling in your face to get you to look at the camera...it just kills me.



I love those blue grey eyes, just like mommy's.

You laugh and smile all the time.  If the only "negative" thing about you is that you wake up once a night because you are a little hungry, or maybe just want some mommy time, I will take it.  Because you are probably one of the happiest babies I know.  Your smiles have changed from gummy smiles with mostly lips to these giant open mouthed smiles, where you show off not only your two little bottom teeth, but all the gums on top and bottom.  You play by yourself and then all of the sudden will just look at me and smile.  I can make you laugh by doing the silliest of things, like clapping your feet together when I'm changing your diaper, or tickling your chin, or tickling your forearm when you are holding my hand when I put you down for naptime or bedtime, or rubbing my nose on the bottoms of your feet.  And daddy makes you giggle every night when he gets home from work.  I can't even describe in words how much I love that laugh.  Love is just bursting out of me for everything about you. One day you will understand, when you have a daughter (or son) of your own.







I love you more and more each day and I can't wait to see where the next month will bring us!

<3

Mommy